How to Manage Anger in yourself and others

Anger can be one of the most negative and destructive emotions that we can experience. We all experience things that upset us at points in life but how do you control your own emotions and importantly, how can you come out on top if you are on the receiving end?

Reasons why?

Anger doesn’t have to be a ‘bad’ emotion. It can help you to identify problems or things that are causing difficulties.

Maybe life isn’t turning out quite as you had planned. Many things can tip us over the edge, from being over looked for a promotion, ignored by colleagues and friends, not involved in key decisions, family issues or financial difficulties.

The key to managing anger and the destructive emotions is to identify the root cause. Getting to the bottom of the issue and being consciously aware of the problem is when you will be able to do something about it.

Being in Control

• Identify your triggers and the things that cause your anger.
• Look at what changes you can make to reduce those issues in your life.
• Don’t suppress your feelings, but find a safe way of dealing with them – if that means getting professional help, then find the right person to support you.
• Control your physical responses by building your inner resilience. Exercise is the best thing to bring in positive hormones that will counter balance those flying around your system when anger and stress kick in.
• Relaxation mechanisms will help you to keep your cool. Practice 7:11 relaxing breathing, creative hobbies, yoga and meditation, which will all help keep the balance.

On the Receiving end?

Often other people’s anger isn’t personal to you, but stems from deep-seated behaviours and experiences from their own past. If others aren’t able to control their emotions, it is paramount that you have strategies in place to keep yourself safe.

• The opportunity for a rational conversation is very limited when a person is in the grip of such destructive emotions. Keep your own voice calm and do not get inflamed. Arguing back will just create an aggressive confrontation. Say you will discuss the matter with them at another time.
• Take yourself away from the situation and any threatening behaviour.
• Create your own boundaries. Make it clear, in a calm way that you will not be spoken to in such a manner or be treated that way. If you accept negative and aggressive behaviour from people they are more likely to continue to pick on you. Boundaries are key.

You don’t have to accept anger or indeed any other negative behaviour from others, so manage your own responses. If things escalate in the work place you will have harassment and grievance procedures to help you resolve issues.

If you are experiencing bursts yourself, turn your irritation and anger in to positives for change rather than spiralling down in to the negativity. The heightened emotions could be pointing you in the right direction for your future.

And if you are on the receiving end of anger and abusive situations that you feel unable to deal with – seek professional help.

Janice